you sent me the whole alphabet, one letter a text. it took 15 minutes to read them all
There need to be more gay people on my afternoon soaps.
I wish you would always start your sentences with "speaking of my clit..."
I think I have internal bruising from those poses we were doing last night. My own ribs hurt me. I don't understand.
I gotta stop tellin complete strangers at the bar that they're the godparents to my first born
Just came out of my room at 8 AM to find 2 pounds of raw hamburger and a half eaten cake strewn across the hallway. And I'm not surprised at all.
Just found a g string in our driveway, wtf happened this weekend?
The air was thick with penises
Well for better or worse the home brew is almost done, want to get drunk/loose your sight tonight?
I just passed a truck with its bed lined with a tarp and filled with water with six dudes chilling in the back driving through campus. That looks fun.
I was too drunk to remember throwing up so i probably didn't learn my lesson
someday i'll meet a woman who will love me for my marvelous breasts and ignore my many character faults.
How is it??
I'm drinking Gatorade out of a champagne flute.
I'm disgusted with myself. Who goes down on their Uber driver? This asshole
this dude is way too smart. he just explained to me the different scientific components of drugs while we smoked. i said i loved icecream.
Randomize
