...is it true? will i see you next weekend
YES.
ah, i can't wait till there's negative 2 inches between us
I was on top riding him and his friend walks in and watched for a minute before he realized what was going on
I'm in the grocery store cradling a box of wine like it's my firstborn, so of course this would be the first and only time I've ever seen my boss outside of the office.
Found her in the closet eating mayo out of the jar with a knife
Bad news is I found gravy in my nightstand again.
This could help me cancel out guys. First 4 that text me get to stay in the loop. And the last one gets the boot. We'll do this til there's only one man standing
Granted I did fall into a pond wearing your dress, but I did save a frog in the process so I think it was worth it.
My radar detector detects ice cream trucks. I think it was made for stoners
when the officer asked him if he had been drinking, he just goes, "yeah, you?" then falls onto the table.
Brunch got away from me. I might be a little high.
I currently need breakfast in bed, morning sex, and a bourbon and diet coke. Make this happen
Doug will be the one to get my vagina. I don't know when or how but I'm now declaring that it is his. And he better not disappoint.
Too bad Amazon Prime wouldn't get the wine bra flask to you in time. Concealed alcohol and huge tits? Win-win.
What's the best day of the week to potentially find out you're pregnant with your ex's baby?
I’ve wanted to home wreck him since their wedding. It was a dream come true
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