Got some. In a truck. I will just pee you in the morning i guess?
why is it whenever you puke in the park there are always little kids on the swings?
im just going to superglue mistletoe to my forehead and see what happens
As long as you don't die I'm in full support of your drinking decisions
sleazy september. first one with mono loses.
It's that time of the week again where I begin to ponder life's great questions like, "What will my pathetic excuse for a future look like?" and "Why tacos?"
You don't care if I shave my legs, but you insist I be conscious for sex. Whatever. I really think your priorities are out of whack.
My liver and my bank account can't afford another all nighter. Help.
This guy on the tube is sooooooo high. Eyes are bloodshot and he's licking his headphone cords.
You kidnapped her dog. I don't care that you and the dog are epic bros, that's just not cool. Return him.
I'm at the back whiskey bar with a 7 and 7 in a winnie the pooh costume. Come find me.
She's the good dick fairy. You buy her a beer and half an hour later the best lay in the place is asking to take you home.
in fetal position in his closet not sure if he knows im here... hugging his spongebob cake pan i stole.... now please come find me..
I feel like I'm in a astronaut outfit like I'm a spaceman & I'm just floating around cause that's all you do in space is float and I'm floating to be in detail
Houston we have a problem
Was I just dreaming, or was there a corpse at work last night?
She was just sleeping.
Is it bad that I'm kind of disappointed by that?
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