I just crawled out of a second story window using a sheet and his clothes for a rope so he wouldn't wake up.
I am so glad I watched Macgyver as a kid.
do u usually make out with people before telling them your name???
She def said "you had your chance!" after telling me she had a boyfriend. Like a pile of dogshit lecturing me on how I missed out on having itself stuck to the bottom of my shoe.
Do u kno any dealers?
I've officially lost all respect for you, dad.
I have so much boob sweat I could bathe a baby
Were you rubbing your penis on me while I slept? I smell like penis.
Do what? I was just saying that at some point there's a chance I'll have a boner. Think of it like a guessing game. "Does he have one now?"
In his defense he just bought a bong like a week ago so he's still in that honeymoon phase.
Come to find out, there is a place where binge drinking and aggressive head butting is completely appropriate. In a mosh pit, Travis is just a regular dude!
you're the third guy in less than 24 hours she fucked. I'm glad you lost your virginity just don't act like you climbed Mt. Everest.
We had sex on a dog bed..
this place is dumb. no one understands my Sunday morning alcoholism here.
It makes me so happy that my local liquor store has a black lab that is there every day. Really tho - it makes the higher prices excusable.
He just flipped the beer pong table and set the ceiling fan on fire things are about to get crazy
Just rode a bull topless for a free bar tap for a month
Randomize
