fuck, i think i'm broken. Alchyhol air mattress = the suck.
used his ipod to set the mood...1st song was livin on a prayr 2nd song was disco stick
i expected more from guys that i meet at the jersey shore.
My mom is giving me a "don't tape yourself during sex" talk. It's going to be a long car ride.
i'm gonna be such a cougar when i'm older...i just facebook stalked my little sister's 13 yr old boyfriend while drinking a bottle of wine....
She left scratches down my back from her wedding ring. Her husband seems like a nice guy though, judging by the scratches it had to be at least a carat.
Trying to guess which perfume the stripper was wearing based on my bf's clothes
Dude, you chugged an entire bottle of tomato sauce and got us free drinks for the night. No way was I gonna stop you.
She is wasted and this random lady got her to suckle milk from her tit
sweating bourbon at client mtg -- you?
ok give me a pep talk, I want a hotdog but I'm too stoned to go make it
Question: When you have the names of 4 guys tattoo'd on you, how do you make the 5th one real special?
I'm so sorry to hear about your grandmother. Also how many grams are in an eighth?
he passed out in the backyard and we used christmas lights as extension cords for the clippers to shave his head.
I’m glad they have a happy marriage but why do they have to inflict it on the rest of us?
I thought it was your cat but I was wrong your Roomba is possessed by a pissed-off evil spirit.
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