he designed a suit out of pillows to protect himself when he fell.
engineering majors are such efficient drunks.
So I drew a giant robot attacking a city on the chem test. My TA colored in the fire on the burning building
Eberyones makin fun of me cuz I found a snail and caught him and put him in a bocks for u
Taking shots with an iv of fluids in, because I work tomorrow. That's responsibility. Employee of the month right here.
Eating a popsicle in the shower was the best idea I've had in ages.
Apparently I walked to Denny's in the pouring rain without shoes just socks last night. Excellent.
Guess what I signed up for?!?!?!
Please tell me you're not selling your eggs.
Hi I am too sober and out of rum. Translation: I owe you some beer. Also, get better taste in beer.
At the very least, I mastered a nap while occasionally being dry humped.
Ran out of deodorant. Febreze on a paper towel? Kicking college's ass.
WELP I KNOW THE HAPPY HOUR DRINKS WERE GOOD BECAUSE MOM JUST INFORMED ME I AM THE RESULT OF POKED HOLE IN THE DIAPHRAGM
I have seen you puke and 5 mins later rock my world. So there is hotness there that average people will never see..
He just got back from doing field research studying wild chimpanzees in the goddamn jungle. Obviously I fucked him.
I promise your sink was clogged before I threw up in it.
Yes, the maid of honor did just deep throat the mic during the toast. How do I follow that?
Randomize
