so when she was in the shower, I took a pic of my dick with her phone and sent it to her brother saying, this just fucked your sister
One of us needs to be functional tomorrow and it won't be me. I'm drinking liquor out of a fishbowl.
I cant talk about it right now or let you guess, but its something you and i would do. Kinda like that time we had the case of beer and went bowling
You hooked up with minors in a golf cart?
I have sand in every orifice, there are bruises everywhere, and I smell like a distillery. I love summer.
He paid me to blow him while doing a handstand. Does that make me a whore or just a budding gymnast?
If this wasn't a work function my tits would be out already.
Someone is in my phone as "fireball girl" and keeps texting me. How do I go about finding out who it is?
Any recommendations for how to tell your wife about the pics of her 19 yr old sister on a porn site without admitting you were surfing said porn site?
How are you getting in?
I know some influential drag queens
Let's try finding a bar where there aren't people who want to hang me from a tree by my nutsack
Every time I start to think he's just not worth the trouble, he puts his face down there and I wanna buy him a car
Long story short if you're going to get drunk on a sailboat at night leave your phone in the car.
You handed me an unpeeled grapefruit off the frat basement floor and then took a bite out of it.
she said that no one there was hot enough for her so she then proceeded to give the passed out person a lap dance because he was "her type."
So drinking that old rum that I found in the ceiling of my dorm was prob not my best idea. But good news: my puke was so colorful b/c of all the skittles i ate
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