Im sending over a girl who thinks youre in the next twilight movie
your the best winggirl ever
the moment we started interpretive dancing last night wouldve been a good time to stop drinking.
he laminated a picture of his dick.
He yelled out my full name in bed...I felt like I was being scolded.
I knew he cared when I got his text "happy birthday to the girl who gives phenomenal head"
sitting in my room in a shopping cart. they couldnt get my legs out of the holes. i want breakfast.
Just realized that St. Patty's is on a Saturday this year in case you were interested in coming to New York and redefining bender with me.
It was his birthday this weekend. I had to carry him 6 blocks, in 3 inch heels. The entire time he was trying to molest me, eat my face, and try to stop every two feet to tie his shoe. He would light a cigarette, forget about it, almost burn everyone, throw it out, then decide he wanted to smoke. He kept repeating that he trusts me with his life.
...Wow...
I could be a kindergarten teacher
im In safeway buying a bottle of Ciroc in short shorts at 3:00 pm on a Monday, yeah I don't know either.
I'm high, watching "Scream" and eating a grilled cheese sandwich off my boobs. I'm not going anywhere
Come on, clusterfuck. Put on a pushup bra and get your fine ass to the bar, or you will be a sad single stoner forever
We had to go. She called the bartender a thundercunt.
Too bad Amazon Prime wouldn't get the wine bra flask to you in time. Concealed alcohol and huge tits? Win-win.
I just walked out of the side door of the bar to come in the front door so no one would know I've been here drinking before our work meeting.
How’s the date going?? Do you think he’s gonna cut your face off and wear it to his birthday party?
Hhhaaa He said Peanutburter disinfect lol. Like peanut butter can disinfect stuff. None of those guys are safe
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