He played with my vagina like it was a turntable
I woke up on the stairs at of a Disneyland hotel. Yes, my night was amazing.
Dude, this chick, who is smokin by the way, has 4 false teeth on top from a softball accident that she can take out if she wants... Who's getting amazing head tonight? This guy!
I don't know whether to be creeped out by the fact this chick can do that, or jealous because you're getting toothless head.
My leg won't stop wagging. It's like it's congratulating my vagina.
I'm drunk at McDonald's in a fairy costume at 10 am nearly two weeks after Halloween. I don't think the Ohio State fans get it.
He walks in. We each have a tiki torch. We say, the tribe has spoken. We put his out and then stab him with it.
Just resonded to a booty call with "how much effort is required on my part?" I think I've finally reached the point of smoking too much pot
I just wanted to be the best at what I did even if that included sexing a whole fraternity or sorority ya know?
I just walked through the door and she ran up to me, hugged me, unzipped my pants and immediately started sucking my dick. Good day.
I apologize for using the phrase "monster cock hentai porn shit" to describe that guy I picked up last week.
My professor just paused class to answer a phone call from her dog. Im taking shots before this class from now on.
Well I'm back. Could you fill me in on what I missed?
You don't want to know. Trust me.
Well. Another one of my exes came out of the closet.
My freshman suitemate just walked into the kitchen to find my fuck buddy making chicken enchiladas without me anywhere to be found. Awkward or awesome?
maybe you should have closed the porn before you gave the professor your computer to hook up to the projector?
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