i wish it would rain vodka just once. i have not puked yet bring it on
Fair warning, if I start singing "Kiss Me, I'm Shitfaced" at any point tomorrow, just go with it
He has pizza coupons and a hammer next to his toilet.
hey your mom heard me say to her " That right your not going to Shit right for a month"
Also I had a dream we made my birth control into a joint. What does that mean?
Was behind a guy going 20 for 4 miles I'll be there as soon as the universe quits fucking me
Of the 4 nights I've gone downtown this week, I've been "piss in the parking lot" drunk 5 times
I come from a long history of big boobed German, Swedish, and Irish women. And then there's me. Mother nature was like "Naaaaaaah."
Me: 10% human, 90% poor drunken life choices.
If Plan B had a rewards card I would have earned so many free tote bags by now
Fun fact: the guy I banged last night. His middle name on his birth certificate is "Windstorm."
Thank you for dog sitting, there is $60 on my desk to be spent on DRUGS AND/OR GAS ONLY not that food stuff people crave.
so I'm walking to my last final while opening my giant red bull and i look over to my right and the guy beside me had one too and was looking back at me. without missing a beat he pulls out a bottle of jager, pours half in mine, half in his and goes "cheers"....i'm not even mad i probably failed my final
one nice thing about being home: no walks of shame, just drives of shame
I woke up with a pillow, shampoo and a plant in my fridge. Eggs in the toilet, and I was wearing three pairs of girls underwear. What happened last night
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