He gave his mom his old phone, and I am SO paranoid
Did you send adult things?
Um. Yes would be the understatement of the year
I just claimed my unemployment in Vegas. This seems wrong.
Did my good deed for the day.. Helped an old guy hide his beer on the NJ transit while the ticket lady came by
Well if I'm going to hook up with every ethnicity by the end of undergrad, I need to be moving on
There's cereal in my underwear. Was I in your apartment at any time last night? That's the only logical explanation for this.
I didn't want to but I was drunk in a Disney bathroom with her and had a weak moment.
The waitress at the airport bar just asked me if I wanted a "to go" beer, hahahahaha OF COURSE I WANT A TO GO BEER.
Hatred of squirrels is the least of my hereditary problems.
You know your night is done when the police confiscate your bra at high school basketball game
He slapped my ass... He best ask me out. Or figure out how to unslap my ass.
Saw my drug dealer at Easter mass with his family so that was weird
It's a sexual break up. We maintain a friendship and leave any and all sexual attraction out. It's not hard, having a baby is harder than that.
I finished OITNB and broke it off with my fuck buddy in the same day. It's going to be a rough week
This conversation went from me banging other women's husbands to learning about baked goods. If that isn't personal growth I don't know what is.
I just saw a woman give her infant whiskey tits. About ten minutes ago she was doing shots, and now she's breast feeding. Whiskey. Tits.
Randomize
