I wanna eat
then frost
then eat your cupcake
he showed up at my house with a hand-stiched sweater that said "girlfriend?"
neither the pictures you took nor my hangover explain why there are skittles in my shoe
the cop then proceeds to point out the "proud parent of a dare graduate" bumper sticker and say well i guess it's time to take that off
she just uttered the sweetest sentence in the english language...my stripper friends are coming over
Thanks for getting me home last night.
No worries. I'll always be there for you, just like Mufasa.
get to allyx's house asap
Ok is everything ok
Yeah, theres just lesbians
omg yes on my way
Haha, you kept saying the cop was going to give you a ride home b/c "that's his job, it's summer."
I was just told that i'm a premature cuddler. . . What does that even mean?
Whatever it is you failed
Yeah, I fucked him. and the worst part is his name was Jesus. And nobody said it in Spanish. Just Jesus. There is no way I can avoid burning when I walk into a church from now on.
Dear God, please let me get my period. And if this one is fiercer than usual I completely understand.
So stoned that I pressed the unlock button on my car keys to walk into my bedroom...
You have the perkiest tits in all of North America. You're fine.
I plan on getting so intoxicated, that I think it's MY own birthday
Can I play this game?
dont go in the freezer to fetch your weed. my vibrator may or may not be in there. not sayin, just sayin
Randomize