I knocked on some strangers door, you didn't have to give me a fake hotel room number
Isn't the perk of being in a relationship not having to put in effort for sex?
I'm still amazed at how you managed to puke in every plant on the whole top floor at the mall without a single person noticing and without missing a step.
kinda considering buying a life alert for sophmore year
Just found out my mom's voicemail password is 6969..
Sleeping with two different guys who share a driveway is getting increasingly challenging to keep secret
I'm going to replace you with a friend who will be happy when I find a huge penis
Were not alcoholics, were just impatient for fridays
Is this a genuine concern or are you just high?
JUST BECAUSE I'M HIGH DOESN'T MEAN ITS NOT GENUINE CONCERN.
Is percocet and coffee considered a balanced breakfast?
Apparently "I have the beer shits" isn't the excuse my boss wanted to hear. So sue me
I felt kinda awkward walking into his house in nothing but lingerie and my dead grandmas overcoat
I just had to pick up my "let's drink and make bad choices" hat, my banana suit and beer pong table from work. Until just then I couldn't figure out why I got fired.
There is no issue with you seeing me...morally or ethically. we'll update your resume anyway. I really need to have sex with you later. Really
Oh my god.. Saw a commercial for Captain Morgan. Made me gag a little bit.
Randomize
