1:32a: I quit. signing up for eharmony. Don't judge
She'll never know what hit her
I dunno. Girls tend to recognize ball-to-chin contact.
I feel like I just won at life, no connection sex and free 12 pack of beer after. Does life give out trophies, if so I want a big one.
Facials are how you say "I love you" in porn star.
just walked past a group of stoners who were staring open jawed in the spice aisle. tonight they will stumble upon something amazing.
Sucks about the cops last night
to be honest when I first looked up I wanted to know who was coming from a costume party..
She's legit crying about wanting more sex. Holy shit.
I will come over now to take full advantage of you in your vulnerable state.
Fine. I should warn you I just threw up in danas fish tank. Fish are dead. Livers dead. I smell and look like a dead animal. And not showering. So deal with it.
Drink a bottle I wine by yourself? Treat yo self
First sex of the summer I'm winning 1-0
GET HOME NOW
Oh shit
unless you have a dick and you were thinking of chopping that off
LEAVE ME AND MY NIPPLES ALONE
How do I let my trainer know I'm only at the gym so I can get in more intense sex positions?
So, I almost went hone with a French guy and a drag queen. Together. Then I became sober enough to realize, that's not my style.
I'm so gassy and it's your fault.
Randomize
