the nicest thing hes ever said to me is give me head.......please
a queef is a wish your heart makes.
if it walks like a guido and talks like a guido, i'm gonna fuck it.
I dont know why the TSA people are looking at me wierd. I mean there is no way i am the only hungover college girl here with nine tally marks on her hand and last nights glitter on her face
Just think, this time last Cinco de Mayo you were holding me up and finding me passed out in the yard of that house.
walking back to the dorm.. she is flashing evryone, demanding beads. we tried to stop her and now she just keeps yelling "Bourbon st bitchesss"... you get her tomorrow
When you get here, kick me in the balls. It's really important. - I'll explain later.
I've made a list of places I want to have sex this summer. #1: Reptile House at the zoo.
If man night ends at some point, hit me up and let me prove my vagina still exists.
i just thought a plastic bag was my cat. i just pet a plastic bag. that high.
Being in nursing school really pays off when your dealer tries to pass off naproxen as Percocet. Like I may have made a C in pharm but I aced the pain drug test
I'm taking the day off so I can get drunk at Whole Foods before noon
He caught me mid-escape...one leg out the window, bra n thong in hand.I just looked at him and said "Bye Now" n proceeded to fall out his window....then.... tell me why he texted me 30 min later to make sure i got home ok! #igotthis
But on a side note, how the fuck do you "accidentally " get peed on
I know you can't find me. Somehow I ended up on the roof smoking a cig with the strippers that are on break. Way too drunk to deal with this right now.
Randomize
