***** fucked a guy with one hand last night
I just made a friends list on fb of all the guys ive hooked up with. genius.
Yes. It's so easy to pack to leave when you've thrown away half your clothing cause it smells like vomit.
So I just learned that my father was teaching me rules for drinking games when I was 5.
Fuckkkk i made out with a freshman.....but he's old for his age. THIS IS WHAT HAPPENS WHEN YOURE NOT AROUND.
Like what kind of adult things? Whats more adult than drinking at 2pm on a monday?
what the fuck is a social media consultant, who does she consult for, and how bad is she at it? her facebook account is currently hacked and posting ads for the ipad 2 on my newsfeed
We jumped on a random trolley because total strangers offered us free vodka. We're not even on the route map as far as I can tell. I see now how those people died in "Hostel"... we deserve whatever happens to us tonight.
I think that's mostly how we became friends.
Well that, and your desire to put your penis in me.
...there was a woman in the stall next to me in the Walmart bathroom having a massive bowl movement and whispering "I'm sorry" over and over
Nothing says male bonding like watching porn with your grandpa
I'm ready to get married, then we can lie around watching anime and eating pizza while he rubs baby oil on me
So this was during drunk golfing. She started wacking me off on the ninth hole and an old couple rolls up next to us. And Says "hey gu- oh my golly" and while my penis is in her hand I'm like "sorry you guys can play through"
The closest I'll come to committing is leaving sex toys at their house
Just got invited to a tree party by some random chicks. They're literally just sitting up in a tree with a handle of rum and a box of goldfish crackers and yelled at me as I was walking by...
Randomize
