DUDE. I'm missing my big toenail. My bed has blood all over it. WHAT DID WE DO LAST NIGHT?
I don't know, but I chipped my tooth and I'm wearing different underwear.
he just kept going up to random asian girls and yelling at them for breaking up the beatles
tried unsuccessfully for 10 minutes to do bong hits while wearing glow in the dark vampire fangs before realizing air was getting out of the sides of my mouth
Sitting next to a girl in the computer cluster who just googled syphilis symtoms, started crying & got up and left. My life suddenly seems better.
This morning is cloudy with a high chance of vomiting all over the dentist. Stay tuned for further updates.
Oh you don't have to buy a shower curtain, I stole the one from her bathroom. It has dolphins on it.
Your whole purpose in life is to just float around and satisfy lonely women and also join lesbian couples in threesomes.
Can I just say that you're probably one of my favorite people to have sex with and then eat hummus with at 3:45am?
Maybe it was that imaginary ghost dick you were stuffing in your mouth a minute ago
And the next morning he asked me why I had clothes on so I said so that he could take them off again.
We smoked weed. AS A FAMILY. IT WAS BEAUTIFUL.
The morning after your company Xmas party and that moment you're eating a block of cheese in bed wearing a sequin blazer and recalling all the details of your one night stand with a coworker who happened to start that day...fuck.
There's no sexy way to moan the name Ernest. Or Ernie. This relationship is fucked
If you can't trust the person at the taco cabana drive thru, who can you trust?!
you should just get a floor plan of your dorm and start checking off rooms.
Randomize
