Nob stitches i do do not bleed anymorr!
just got waxed at a place I havent been to in a while
woman didnt remember me then in the middle of waxing she announced that she just didnt recognize my face
He was so confused why there was a string hanging out of my vagina.
I'm playing a drinking game with nyc prep. This will not end well for meeee
Everytime the gay dude pretends he's not gay, drink a cosmo. Everytime the crosseyed girl is crosseyed, kill her
So... My dad just saw the Plan B package and the beer cans in my backseat.
Oh its cool I'm sure he already knows you're a whore and an alcoholic.
Having sex with her is like doing taxes, Happens once a year and I usually end up paying.
I haven't been this hungover since you found me laying in front of your door gagging with pepto bismal tablets scattered around me
I was fingering her, she was moaning, and we were singing Mulan
she drove 3 hrs one way just to sleep with me. I felt bad complaining about paying for condoms.
It's almost like he dry humped the last remaining bit of good person out of me.
I "liked" his changed relationship status just to show him I'm ok with the fact he found someone not as pretty as me
I know I've become a responsible adult because this time, I'm not going to do the drugs I found on the ground
DO I FUCKING *LOOK* LIKE SOMEONE WHO HAS THEIR ACT TOGETHER!?!? THE ANSWER IS "NO"!
You know, you could always move. Lol somewhere without gators, water moccasins, and Marco Rubio.
How many gummy vitamins can I eat before I die
Randomize
