My hair reeks of homosexuality.
So I'm cool with the whole break up, but it sure is a shame we didn't get to use those handcuffs.
But you know it's love when you find brass knuckles in the same box he keeps his Naruto action figures.
Just found a shot glass and plan b in my backpack...
Im guessing the shot glass is for plan c?
I'm thinking about that time I was in a trashbag and you spray painted my hair yellow
i was staring at it trying to desperately see a vagina
I think I wrote "thanks for the free alcohol!!!" in their wedding guest book and I'm almost positive I signed my name
I bet George Washington got SERIOUS head back in his hay day.
He wants me to hook up with his fiance while he watches. Text you later with how it goes.
Fun holiday story for you: Alex and I went out drinking. She left. I needed a ride home. Met this dude and told him to drive my car back. Once at my house, I made him take out my dog and then apologized for not wanting to make out with him. I said, let me go see if my roommate is interested and then I slept in Alex's bed all night.
20 bucks says he was an actual leprechaun
turns out it took a Belgian couchsurfer dressed as Heisenberg to rock my world.
It might be whiskey, but I view Marge and Homer Simpson as something to strive for
Mom and dad should be so proud half of their children have gotten naked in the same local grocery store
like, is this a date?? I'm sitting on his couch drinking a juice box while he makes taquitos in sweat pants
I THINK HE DOES. OMG!!!!! OMG I FUCKED A GUY W A FAKE LEG AND I DIDN'T EVEN KNOW!!!!!!????!!!!!!!!!
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