Literal conversation "you are ________ ____. you facebook friended me"
Don't come here someone got drunk and rolled the keg to buger king. no more beeer
go do what you do best...puke behind churches
She was so drunk that I kept trying to switch out her wine for water. Sort of like Jesus, but in reverse.
Revelation of the day. Bulimia is dumb. Anorexia is easier.
You suck.
you just started pointing at the light and whispering "star wars"
I want to throw all of their shoes in the pool so I feel like there is some justice in the world
Btw, you're my emergency contact at Planned Parenthood
If my mom's not going to offer me drugs then it's really pointless for me to be here.
Is it completely inappropriate to base my morning after pill purchase on if they sell coffee or not?
I just felt emotion and I'm not okay with it
Hey, don't blame me for the shitty evening; I wasn't the one who promised hookers, Dos Equis and foster kittens. Keith was.
I was told I look like trouble once and that was by a fireman at the sex show. I was carrying two beers and a penis pinata.
I'm gonna go take a shower so I can cleanly change into my drinking underwear.
what a classic moment of my life. A buffet of taco bell and a taser gun.
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