The world needs more lipstick lesbians, if anything.
If I were a woman I'd fill my water bra with liquor so that I could sip on it throughout the day.
he asked me what things i liked that he did in bed, and i told him all the things i hated so he would use it on that new bitch and she wouldnt hook up with him anymore.
you for real need to get over him dude
Just role played anchorman. And yes, I did take her to pleasure town.
Why are my keys in the refrigerator?
You said "This is gonna really confuse me tomorrow." Apparently drunk you plays pranks on hungover you.
This explains so much.
They both told everyone they fell in a mud puddle
Oh they definetly fell in the mud, repeatedly, on top of each other
My dinner was lean cuisine and tequila. Aaaaaand I need a boyfriend.
The vodka told me to go iceskating on my frozen pool. I may have attempted.
the tile , carpet , walls , cabinets , even the ceiling ... there is Jello everywhere
it was your idea to have indoor Jello wrestling man
Don't you realize there's more to life than sex and pizza rolls?
He turned me into a screamer. Guess I'm really not a lesbian.
No gifts needed, but if you have fireworks or weed that'd be good.
Do you remember biting my ear and whispering quotes of Pride and Prejudice last night?
It just makes sense. It's like I end a relationship, and wash myself of sin... with tequila.
He took home that trashy slut from Bama but a NFL Lineman was just in my DMs so... who’s the real winner here
Randomize
