Why can't we have signs that automatically flash on our foreheads that say not interested when gross ugly guys come around, like those glasses that get dark when the sun comes out?
If Jon and Kate can get divorced...how hard can it be for me?
My valentine's day: watching The Notebook, and porn, eating chocolate, and ice cream. All while jacking off.
Wow... you've managed to cover all of the sad girl stereotypes that exist.
Nothing like a little anal leakage to start off Sunday morning. Can't decide if that speaks well of my weekend or not...
Just threw up in the garbage can outside the liquor store... I'm pretty sure that's some sort of distress signal.
The drunk teletubby stumbling out of the place tipped me off..
Hungover like ... in bed with the Brita pitcher and a straw, only opening one eye at a time.
While running home from the bar in high heels I multi- tasked and sexted with Brent. Jesus.
I feel like everyone in class can tell we had a threesome last weekend.
I miss her, but also fucked her ex boyfriend.... So there's that
Yeah you burned that bridge with your vagina
Grass is always greener, Allison, grass is always greener
The grass is drunker and I'm lying down on it
It's 4/20 and I spent the morning in the gym and am working later tonight. I don't even have any weed. Why am I adult-ing again?
holy shit the yoga instructor bought his baby pig to class today
My sack is cleanly shaven and the rest of my body has been manscaped. i even put aftershave on my junk. i feel sleek like a fighter jet right now.
Woman doing my Brazilian right now says to tell you she says hi...what has our life come to?
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