You were in the bathroom for two hours practicing "Revenge Faces".
I get a nice feeling when i open my fridge and see it filled with thirty beers and half a leftover jimmy johns pickle.
dude, i have to cancel tonight, my neighbor just bought a goat
we've called him dos banos ever since he threw up in 2 separate bathrooms with the same puke
I fed him pizza in bed. I'm probably the best one night stand ever.
He paid me $20 to swallow a baggie of glitter, which turned out to be the best decision I've ever made. My vomit has never been prettier.
this is not the first time I've had hot dogs and 151 for thanksgiving.
I'm really hoping to find some quality strange ass tonight while at my court appearance.
Nothing says I'll be 22 tomorrow like washing the vomit out of your hair at 4pm
I just wish my penis was a person so I could give him a high five.
I CALLED IT A FRIENDSHIP. NOT A I WANT YOUR MAN PARTS IN MY LADY PARTS-SHIP.
Things that have happened since you moved: Lemmy, Bowie, Snape, Prince, civility, democracy, Carrie Fisher, all dead. Record flooding down here. Twice. This is clearly your fault.
okay i know we havent talked for like weeks but i just really wanted to tell you that i miss your dick. like alot.
whose this? and thank you
I'll give you another blowjob if you bring me some cake.
dude. I can hear the air.
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