I just saw a man with a full beard and frosted tips
there is no god
Making my coffee at work this morning let out a jack daniels fark. Turn around and see the quiet guy making his breakfast
the non-midget kid sent 8,000 texts in a month. the midget parents are pissed. THIS IS EPIC WHEN YOUR HIGH.
If my nicknames are based on what I throw up, you can call me Jimmy Johns
His dick was as big as my arm. Giving him a handjob was like giving someone an Indian sunburn.
I knew she was going to get knocked up just by looking at her facebook pics
You don't have a penis so I'm not texting you at this hour. This is penis texting hour only.
i don't know what part of 'duct tape bikini waxes' seemed even a little okay in our drunk minds, but i'm never drinking with your sister again
Dunno yet. Probably just gonna play the s.t.d. russian roulette game with random bartenders at the beach again. Same 'ol same 'ol
i know i should keep better track of the things that i put in your vagina but i've put so many things in there it's hard to keep track
The moment I said this burrito on my nuts feels really good is the moment I knew I was drunk
I mean, I bought pot and shampoo before I ran out. I think I can adult.
Do him. As soon as possible and as often as possible. That's what Oprah would say
She caught me by google maps... Lets just say it wasnt her car in front of the house.
I just found a contact in my phone named "Nick from The Party". Who's nick?
Randomize
