it was all good till he told me to dance slow and quiet
i know. thats why i need an open bar. i'll get hammered and make a toast about how his dick is like the titanic. large, but full of failure.
the awesomeness of being snowed in wore off after we ran out of beer and we realized we really didnt want to be stuck with everyone.
I need someone to meet me at the end of the road and throw captain morgan at my face like they do with water at marathons
he was alternating between taking bites of butter and bagel. he said it was easier than finding a knife
I booty called her while she was in labor.
Yeah. I don't think I have anything left in me tho. I think I was throwing up tangible memories at one point.
6 beers, 3 orange crushes, & half a fire ball later & you get my alter ego.
Well get back to your date and give him the ceremonial 1am handy and text me when your done.
Got robbed by an ATM. My weekend officially sucks.
I needed tweezers to get my thong out of my ass this morning.
Unless it involves a lot of whiskey, an ACDC concert, and a guy named Juan from the Philippines, then I'm not interested.
Guy peeing and puking at the same time in the women's restroom? So impressed that I can't be offended
Why can't he see that I don't want a slow getting to know you period? I just want to bone. NOW.
Did u find my other sock in your bra? U said u were uneven so I did the gentlemanly thing.
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