So now everyone thinks I don't know what a condom is
Came home to a chalk baord that read:" Think like a rapist." Can't say I'm surpirsed.
the nicest thing hes ever said to me is give me head.......please
I have 11 glasses of water and one beer on the table infront of me. Have to keep going to different bartends to get more. There are only two though and I think they've caught on
shut up i haven't hooked up with anyone since 45 minutes ago
Can you check your dirty laundry bag for my tooth.
He said to me this morning that we should finish these beers, go and get plan B then on the way back, go to the pub to celebrate the death of our baby. I love Manchester.
I renamed his cat Jeff last night. Well I spray painted it on him.
I'm sorry I did drugs then got really loud and bitchy at your party and judged your choice in one night stands.
The worst part about getting "creative" and by that i mean baked is that i just wanna get laid right now and all im doing is eating nachos
She offered to treat me to breakfast after a one night stand if I meet her parents and sex again if I act as her bf. It may be a trap but its a offer I won't refuse.
No judgement. Sometimes you gotta twerk on a legends face.
I am literally sitting here with a jar of Nutella and a spoon, reading an article called "never drink alone again because now there's wine for cats." How single am I?
I made a booty call at 3:30 am on a Monday... I think I just became the ultimate female fuckboy. I don't know whether to be ashamed or get myself a trophy.
I cannot belive our party caught on fire
Randomize
