Everytime she tries to call me all I can think about is when she tripped walking down my steps during her walk of shame. Then I laugh until it goes to voicemail
there should be a national holiday dedicated to how high i am
Ill bet we could have atleast fucked a girl who fucked a guy who has fucked tara reid. That's a famous circle right?
He just yelled in the bar, "So I stuck it in two girls butts, why are you bringing that up now?"
I'm gonna win the lottery and buy chinchillas and tattoos for everyone
That's the international "my vagina is unoccupied, come talk to us" chant. You have your mission. Go.
After the party last night, I dreamt I continued drinking... Apparently my subconscious didn't think I'd had enough...
Here is your half hour reminder. Meet you at emergency room.
Remember that time a drunk Dracula took a shit in the urinal? Ooh, that's right, it was last night.
you told the taxi driver your yeast infection was so bad you wanted to F a popsicle
So our bartender was in the bathroom the same time I was so I ordered a beer mid stream.....is that weird?
i just got drunk and created an entire Dr Seuss unit for my first graders.
He was more upset that I got into his phone than about getting caught cheating.
I would be down to associate sex w taco bell
Rebounding with her sister was the best idea i ever had.
Randomize