Dude I can't believe you let me go home with the wildabeast lastnight.
You always hook up with hot girls we had to know you were mortal
Did yall have sex?
Well we both woke up naked and there was a condom wrapper on the floor, but I don't remember so does that count?
Def not... that's how I managed to keep my number under 10 for all of college- If you don't remember, it didn't happen
Just had to explain my "wine me. Dine me. Sixty-nine me" key chain to my grandma...she took it surprisingly well.
He jacked off on my pillow when he found out I left. It was like coming home and finding that your dog, with separation anxiety, had pooped in your shoes. I think I'm flattered...
my resolution for 2011 is to fuck him whenever he wants it. this year I'm going above and beyond the call of booty.
I think I collapsed a disk in my spine when I drunkenly lifted that fat girl on my shoulders to chicken fight at the pool.
It might have taken me 30 minutes but I finally finished the toast I made. That hungover.
After she asked if she could try to fit her toe ring around it, i decided to leave. Thats the life i live
Is it bad juju to glue mini budda to the bottom of a shot glass
He sent me a pic of her engagement ring and then STILL asked for nudes.
He's sending me pics of Yellowstone scenery...the only thing I can think is "I would have sex next to that waterfall"
He's interpretive dancing to Crazy by Britney Spears and expressing his feelings for either me or the guy next to us
The Stanley Cup Final is killing me. I can't go to work drunk again.
Somehow I don't think offering me edibles is what dad meant by checking in on me
They're the hard candy kind!
Turns out I made out with a woman dressed as a unicorn here 10 years ago
Randomize
