You'll be the first to get a "it's herpes simplex 1" cigar.
I don't even have to sign up for karaoke at duncans anymore. The karaoke ppl just sign me up themselves. Without my consent. I also sang stacys mom to some lady named Stacy who's mom died yesterday.
He told me he wouldn't do any drunk sluts but me. I guess that's sort of a compliment...?
Everyone makes mistakes, yours just means you will forever be known as the chick that tried to steal a cheese plate from the funeral.
Hey everyone. This evenings celebration will commence with a cocktail hour at genghis at 830 to be followed with an upscale dining experience at taco bell at 10. All are welcome. This is not a joke. Thank you
So. Much. Sex. I feel like i ran a marathon then someone kicked me in the vagina. Soo worth it
You just kept holding your breath for a really long time and calling it lung excersizes.
He was more tolerable with alcohol in my system. I woke up to him squeezing me and telling me how he wanted to dip me in strawberry jam.
I'd recommend you leave that level of crazy to the experts. I'd start with an under appreciated soccer mom if I were you.
You're too morally constrained. I firmly believe that you should be less concerned with how young she is and more excited by the fact that she's not jailbait by virtue of a legal technicality.
I was thinking more like a "sorry you can hear us, but I'm having the best sex of my life" cake
When he texted me, I got a little wet. Until he asked me to get Jimmy Johns before I got to his house.
DROP EVERYTHING! Gatta go get tested for herpes, lets make an adventure out of it.
Well, while we went through airport security, I found out Mom got her clit pierced, so there's that.
Got electrocuted a second ago, is it weird that I have a boner?
Randomize