would you ever date a girl who drove an 89 Chrysler LeBaron? - for the record it's a convertable
i am fully taking advantage of taking advantage of him
you started puking right when a nickelback song came on..it was epic
A monkey stole my iPod. This was not in the fucking study abroad brochure
Also I climbed atop a mailbox with a toilet paper hat and a wolverine claw made of glowsticks, screaming at passers-by that they were going to die. Control me
I just pull a splinter from the head of my penis. It was a rough night.
After we were finished she said "That was like marriage sex". Should I take that as a compliment or insult?
She said I'm so hungry I could eat a dick and winked at me
if girls can go out in miniskirts and reveal their thongs, I should be able to wear a sheer dress with boyshorts with the word love bedazzled on my ass.
This is why you're my favorite.
I will expect an hourly check text to confirm you are alive and that you aren't dead in a ditch somewhere with a hobo dry humping your corpse
Henceforth: booty calls will now be referred to as "deliveries of anatomy". That is all.
Clearly I'm trying to change the world one fuck at a time
you DO IT for the people
I wish I could send you one of those donuts I had. Like teleport it to you. Because it would change your life
Do you think in an oreo forest they would have rivers of milk?
Dude I'm pretty sure everyone in my office knows I fucked our boss...can I ask for anything better?
Randomize
