Sexting assembly today. Fuck yes
the ice cream truck is coming omgomg
dude, it's 2 am.
but its COMING
Why dose there have to be another girl there for you to do this?
its hotter. Way hotter.
please remember that your boobs are bigger than your sisters. when you borrow her shirts they stretch and then shes left flapping in the breeze. dont borrow her clothes anymore. love dad.
he's drinking at 8 in the morning. it's going to be one of those "or else the terrorists have won" kinda days
we are torturing ourselves with these mediocre cocks
Its not that I don't mind giving her as much as my penis as she wants, its the post sex cigarette I have to supply. Shits $9 a pack.
Put a tip jar next to your bed from now on.
Your good ideas are reason #4 we need to live together.
Vague recollection of me ripping your shirt off at the bar... I hope I asked first, otherwise that's real rude.
Ten minute nap on a staircase honey badger don't care
I love you. Mom got to wasted at the wedding that she threw up on my shirt.
i woke up to you and that girl going out onto the balcony naked
oh sorry man.. we went outside because we DIDN'T want to wake you
Ladies, if you have recieved this text then you are one of the lucky few friends I have decided to make this proposal to. As you all know, my boyfriend's birthday is in two weeks and I have finally decided on the perfect present. Surprise threesome. Now, there can only be one, this isn't an orgy you know, so I will be rating the ideal candidates on bra size and sluttyness. Experiance will count, references if available. Inbox me your credentials so we can come to a...Satisfying agreement.
I'm going to three dry weddings this month. I'm flashing three dry weddings this month
The time to say "now you can't go and be strange about this at work" is not as you are penetrating your coworker. NOW its awkward
I'm trying to behave my vagina this week so I can at least pretend I'm honoring the sanctity of marriage
Hey bro are you still alive??? I'm sure you are wondering how you ended up laying on the floor at the foot of your bed and why there is a wheelchair by your door....
Randomize
