life lesson learned today: sleeping pills and laxatives don't mix.
So I feel really bad about last night...can i give you a blow job and we call it even?
wasted. watching meteors, awesome idea i ever had, see 2 for every 1 with ma double vision
He threw a goldfish cracker into my toilet and then proceeded to laugh for 32 minutes. I timed it.
so I got guilt tripped into giving her a new years kiss, and she proceeded to try and eat my face while mounting me. when you give a mouse a cookie...
that's almost as bad as that time i almost ashed in a baby carriage
It was awkward being the only one at the wedding who knows that the bride and groom met when she gave him a lap dance at a strip club
he suggested we do it doggy style cuz it was his dead dogs birthday...i had to do it
I literally just wiped coffee off of the corner of my mouth with my boob because my hands were full. Thought youd be proud. Good morning!
She has a tattoo on her inner thigh that's an x with a long dotted line. So after she passed out I signed it. Dunno what else I was supposed to do...
We ate our feelings. Then drank our feelings. I feel feminism delivered.
Braid them armpits, sister.
Omg. I'm making you a chocolate and "herb" birthday cake and using joints for candles. I'm gunna need moms help with this!
LOOK, I was 19, and I made a lot of choices with my crotch which I'm weirdly proud of
Yes dear.
We had sex last night...... This "Friends" thing is going well.
I remember her making the first martini but the rest of the weekend is a blur of vodka, high heels and sex toys.
First time being used by a cougar. Definitely okay with it
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