No, asshole. I'm not gay. But if I was I think I would do better than fucking Nick Lachey.
i caught a guy at work today stealing condoms. i let him go when i realized that they were extra small.
Someone should tell Glenda that I only hang with her because she makes me look prettier.
She looks like an uncircumcised penis in a hat.
Jake just asked if thanksgiving was an american thing...I left the table
can't believe I ate straight coffee grounds to stay awake for that
I just ate a bag of doritos while taking a shower. I can now officially do anything
I was really excited when he said that condoms didn't fit him, then he added "they fall right off"...
This morning I learned I traded my sunglasses for a Big Lebowski sticker at the football game.
You don't have anything to lose--we've established that he's not going to murder you and he smells good.
If my vagina were a person, it just ran a marathon.
My mom just looked at me and said; "You've been pretty bitchy lately do you need some dick?" WTF has happened to me?
dude wtf why are there forks in my wall
does "I AM MAGNETOOOO" ring any bells, because that was you for an entire hour last night
Quit bitching. I brought you a muffin.
By the time we got to McDonald's you were sharing a Big Mac with a stripper.
Randomize
