I am going to give you the keys to my place
Then I'll give you the keys to my heart
Gag me
When my girlfriend drinks sangria it's like winning the vagina lottery
Weirdest conversation with my dad. He just told me he didn't shave his pubes.
Having sex with the stobe light on was the best bad idea I've ever had.
Her dress is practically falling off. It must know I'm here.
I just saw a girl walking up the hill with a little red wagon full of booze... I want to be in her study group.
I promise you I could read that dogs mind, he was arguing with the other dog saying he knows how fucked up I am
You were too busy being proud of your penis shaped pancakes to notice...
The swelling on my elbow and tongue means I may have cockblocked myself.
On a side note Tyler is buying beer from a gas station in a panda suit priceless
see that vagina ? that vagina means business
You know that girl that climbed through my window and got in my bed with me and fucked me? It turns out she was real and has a real boyfriend who is real pissed
Go forth my friend, but don't do any of that fruitful and multiplying shit.
And you said I'm not athletic, I rubbed one out with my sports band on, it's the same as walking 1/4 mile.
I danced shirtless on a platform with a fucking stripper who went to MIT
Randomize
