He's marrying her, which means that she is his most important person in the world, so you gotta deal with it...okay?
I'm laying in your front yard are you home
if socks could get pregnant i would have catholic amounts of kids
i was drunk and our names rhymed...what was i supposed to do?
Apparently getting drunk, buying a guitar from your local costco and walking in to an open mic night is not the same as rocking out to guitar hero...
You know its bad when you can over hear the planned parenthood nurses talking shit behind your back... they've seen everything
You tried to convince me you were sober by doing jumping jacks. For an hour.
I walked in on you rubbing your nose all over his face while straddling him and yelling "I'M SO SORRY!" repeatedly. I'd say you were in pretty good shape at that point in the night.
I just entered us to win a trip to Vegas for spring break. GET YOUR VAGINA READY FOR THE ULTIMATE DICK HUNT!
Legitimate concern. Who am I going to have birthday sex with?
July fourth my place, drunken bubble slip n slide. Yes this is happening and yes I am 31
Definitely just realized I wore a shirt that says "building leaders for Christ" to a hookup. Roll tide.
There's a Japanese guy here dressed as a Viking who just screamed "wats up cocksluts" and kicked a guy in the face. come get me out of here.
So it turns out strippers do encores if enough people yell. Encore song: Self Esteem.
Always great to be boarding a plane when you realize that what you thought was gas is actually very untrustworthy
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