Do you have any cake mix? I kind of need to make a "im sorry i drank all your parents tequila, threw up all over your floor and slept with you boyfriend" cake.
ur penis kinda felt like a vagina to me
At the T-Rex bar with my nephew...only in Disney can I have a beer and a soda at the bar with a 4 year old
Legit screaming match in this bar over the differences between cupcakes and muffins.
I think Charlie st. Cloud is the saddest thing I can masturbate to.
Everyone looked at me like I just fucked a gopher and was wearing it like a hat
Last time i was there we saw the window of the pizza place we were at get busted, we were pulled out of a taxi to be questioned by the cops, and we peed outside a waffle house. I'm in.
Tell me why I woke up spooning a hamburger like it was a teddy bear.
I feel like passing out with my foot on your face has bonded us at a very fundamental level.
I think cutting a patient out of a owl costume is a first for those guys. It's a good story at least.
Cleaning naked can be dangerous. Vacuum cord got stuck on my belly button ring...
In reference to the club we were headed to our cab driver told us about the time he had sex with a woman on the dance floor there. And what do you know, they're celebrating their 22 marriage anniversary together this year! True love does exist!
Is that your mom climbing in your window dude
If you were to to ask if I just hid 4 shooters or Jameson it my bra and panties the anwer would be yes, yes I did
i love how you, my friend, sends me a picture of herself wearing a shirt that says "i am dead inside" and i'm just like "awww baby you're so cute"
that's just solidarity
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