last night was a success...if success means i don't remember the guy's name and my panties are somewhere in the parking lot behind the bar
When god put her together, he was drunk & feeling creative... a vagina here, sexually ambiguous breasts there, and a pair of shoulders that would make a linebacker jealous
God. I'm so broke I don't even have a dollar to snort my adderall through.
So I just walked into the bathroom, and there was this kid, talking to his mom, while taking a shit. I flushed the toilet next to him and heard him say into the phone, "No, I'm not. I'm in my dorm."
Being college poor has reached a new low. I am giving up on masturbating so i can save money on toilet paper
Things got a little weird when he fired up his homemade flamethrower in the living room.
Just rescued a super cute pair of Gucci heels off the sorority lawn on my way to work. Things are worth two paychecks. Fuck trust fund kids.
I feel like our low point of the night was when we had to start chasing with ice cubes and wheat thins.
It's like I just got slapped in the face with the cock of nostalgia.
Just sharpening my eyeliner with a butterfly knife. You know. Typical weekday morning.
she definitely didn't appreciate it when you justified bringing her home by yelling to me "fat bitches need love too"
Don't forget to make sex 3rd on your calander
he told me that I'm basically going to be the mom of the house when they move in...i like to see it as being a MILF without the responsibility of real children
if i had an alexa it would be saying “have sex with guys that don’t care about you”
her idea of a romantic time is a bottle of jager, some Guacamole and chips.
can't go wrong with guac.
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