I'm watching Terminator eating a jar of marshmallow fluff. Trust me, you are not fat.
And i generally try not to roofie people when I'm in a committed relationship.
All I did this weekend was get my life in order. I feel like I wasted my time.
he said he would handcuff me to his penis. thats not even possible. i want to go home.
The last thing I remember is trying to split my bridesmaid dress down the back like the incredible hulk.
and you succeeded.
oh, i've got big weekend plans. on an unrelated note, do you think viagra will work if the guy is roofied?
i was like his sober eyes girls would come up to us, show us theirs and if approved by me blew him, if rejected they went to my truck with a bottle of patron
Just thinking about this summer makes me feel a slight tingle of an orgasm mixed with a twinge of regret as the cold ghostly feeling of multiple hangovers creep into my body.
I apologized to him for my lack of boobs after he felt me up
I almost took a picture but it looked like he might have a shank and I'm just not at a place in my life where I could handle having tetanus
Ended up at the strip club, got told I should be a dancer 4 times, got free tacos and my hot TA slide in the dms. How was your night?
He tripped and fell all the way to the ground and then stood right back with out spilling a drop of his 3/4 full glass of rum and coke. It was like watching something from the matrix
I do have a history of lying to Customs. I once convinced them I was an astronaut.
I should not have moved in with him. He's got porn stashed everywhere like a homosexual squirrel.
You love porn!
Not in the sugar bowl when I'm making my Mom coffee I don't.
You told him he “could park his dick in your garage”.
Well he didn’t. It shouldn’t be this hard to get a penis.
Randomize
