I'm so bummed I missed coconut bowling. It's fucking cold here and no coconuts to be found
enterprise is going to pick me up, im too high for this
there were no ball for pong so he bought cat toys..... they had bells in them
your dad just showed up on the golfcart with a keg. i. love. our. neighborhood.
all but 2 of were put on probation for disorderly conduct. i know, visiting a hospital when your drunk is really stupid but it seemed like such a good idea at the time
swear to god, "it seemed like a good idea at the time" is gonna be on your epitaph
I GOT A VENDING MACHINE FOR OUR LIVING ROOM
I walked into your room and you had fallen asleep smoking a cigarette. You just had the butt in your mouth with ash all over your face.
I've injured myself in such a way that i am only capable of making love standing up now
The last time I thought I had a UTI, I ended up having herpes. Sooo.. This time in preparing myself for cancer or death.
Elliott peed on my floor and slept in it lol that's a one line description.
You literally just told me you're ditching me because of pizza. PIZZA? Wow.
This is not a drill. I need a cape. And a tuxedo. Simultaneously. Repeat. NOT. A. DRILL....
Did you just correct my spelling of a made up word?
No, I just was using your word in plural form
I feel like the physical embodiment of the pot leaf eyes smiley face
I will warn you that there is a pic of me riding a buffalo....and for the record, I was completely sober!!
Randomize
