I pooped in a mop bucket.
WTF???
Their employee restroom was locked what kind of customer service is that
My unemployment check should really just be direct-deposited into the checking account of my drug dealer
On the quad today: An amish choir singing something weird, and not 30 feet away 3 girls tanning topless. Definition of diversity.
There are Star Wars cutouts in his basement. Obi Wan Kenobe watched me give him a handjob.
I can get orange kush...
GET IT NOW! WHY IS THERE A DOT DOT DOT?!
You passed out and she managed to carry you all the way back to your dorm last night. I believe your testicles now her property.
Puked up what appears to be battery acid next to the treadmill. Everyone noticed.
Apparently, his doctor was impressed with how well we took care of his leg. We're like the kings of naked triage.
I'be color coordinated the clothes in my closet and my underwear drawer. I'm like an advertisement for house arrest. Help.
I just did a drunk experiment to find out what it looks like when you turn a burner on the stove on while wearing night-vision goggles. I may be blind in my right eye now.
Basically I don't wanna put on pants...but I'm stoked for drinking my face off tomorrow.
So I had sex in a bulldozer lastnight now that's definitely a first...
Hooked up with a guy dressed as Miss Frizzle last night... Asked if I could ride his Magic School Bus
Google imaged your anal issues. Seems fuckable still.
Went as "Party on, Wayne." And left as, "Partied out Wayne in a foot boot with new medical bills." Fuck Halloween...and vodka.
Randomize
