i finally understand why guys leave in the middle of the night.......they got it right
trying to figure out who visited the hillshire farms website enough for it to be in my top sites.
I'm wearing an NBA shooting sleeve while jerking off...and yes my arm has stayed warm
tequila makes me forget i have legs
I just won unlimited hot dogs for life. I'm so glad I smoked
I apparently texted him "since you're taking time out to think about us. You probably need to think about me getting arrested right now."
The strip club called, they have your shoe.
My autobiography is now tentatively titled "I'm Fucking the DJ, and Other Ways to Party for Cheap"
I feel like I can hear facebook. What did we smoke?
I mean it was his birthday. How was I supposed to tell him he could not wear a sombrero while we bang.
I'm high and reading a Wikipedia article on circumcision procedure. Help.
I wish my bank account would intervene on my life choices.. $200+ in alcohol in 2 weeks and a $40 McDonald's bill is a cry for help.
I'm too stoned to come over for sex
Yes that is a Krispy Kreme doughnut on my cock
I'll be right over
What part of a retired stonemason dealing with your rock hard cock does not sound like you have the wrong number ?
What can I say I sleep with 40 year old Cougars because my mother gave me away at birth and apparently that's why says my therapist
Randomize
