I'm upset that MJ died and all but waking up to his face on my HDTV in the middle of the night while half-asleep is pretty much the scariest fucking thing ever.
So there is a chick dressed up in a vagina costume handing out free condoms next to the dude handing out free Bibles and preaching about sin. I love college.
im trying to find a facebook picture of him that doesnt make me regret sleeping with him. its not working
If the boyfriend of the drunk girl you just met asks her if she made a "special friend" you're going to have a threesome. For future reference.
I'm still tasting pancake mix. I think this may actually be a serious medical problem...
I think that's mostly how we became friends.
Well that, and your desire to put your penis in me.
Okay. So my choices are the sleeping Guy who looks about twelve and a man that looks like he was the original sandman. Im gonna need a beer for this......
I'm a terrible friend...i should have come right over instead of having sex for an hour and a half. :/ want anything from burger king?
I can feel my teeth in 4 dimensions. I shouldnt be this high at 8 in the morning.
Our first order of business as new roommates was to test the sex acoustics of our rooms. I need a new box spring.
I spent the last 6 months operating under the assumption that I HADNT fucked a paramedic. I was wrong.
They said you went back in for 30 minutes and were walking with your arms out like an eagle soaring
I officially have worse injuries from a baby shower than roller derby.
Lessons learned from last night: do not leave me drunk and alone with strippers and a credit card. Let's do whatever's cheaper.
so on the street and some kid is chanting "cheeseburger, cheeseburger, cheeseburger!" while pumping his fist in the air. i agree.
Randomize
