when i woke up i was missing $380 from my bank account
damn...impressive bar tab
no i guess i bought a gasoline powered blender off ebay, i need a breathalyzer for my computer
Please know that I fully expect you to help me steal a bed if I have a bad breakup.
We convinced you to take a shot out of the sponge...there were still suds in it.
Haha pretty bummed I didn't stay night yesterday after the bj fest you described
What are you doing St Patricks day? I'm banned from all work parties with open bar ever since the cinco de mayo party that I dumped a drink on my co-workers head and played air guitar on my boss' ankle cast.
I may or may not have just ruined a marriage. But in my defense I got all my drinks for free tonight.
I need rollerblades now
Rollerblades pick up bitches
I still owe him the card with all the sperm paper cutouts falling out like glitter saying " sorry you can't hold your load. Better luck next time "
I can't tell if this is a hangover or just a perfect combination of shame and regret
MY LIFE IS HARD OK. I HAVE TO WAKE UP AT LIKE 10 OR 11 AFTER SMOKIG POT AND PLAYING FALLOUT UNTIL 3
I am drunk at 8am listening to Cyndi Lauper and dressed up in a penguin suit
Pretty sure keeping my vibrator in the same drawer with the weed makes it work better. I fall asleep almost immedi
HAVE BEEN SPEAKING IN RUSSIAN ACCENT FOR 5 HOURS
SHIRT GONE
I think i should either cut my hair or buy a dildo.
Oh no...did you put star fish over your nipples again?
Randomize
