They need to add a relationship status option on fb that says "having the baby of..."
i have a $600 bill for my ER visit in which they did nothing but suggest to me that i am an alcoholic.
Or they can chase TEQUILA shots with it. I don't know why my phone capitalizes TEQUILA.
Wierdest expirience of my life this girl literally just knocked on my door at 140am to blow me in the shower. Idk what im doing but im doing it right
The only reason I'd ever want a boyfriend is so that someone would spoon feed me applesauce when I'm so hungover I can't move
We didnt even know he was in the house until he came downstairs and asked why he was wet
Haha jealous. If I could remember my dreams I'm pretty sure they would constantly be about being drunk in foreign countries
Great sex, the promise of us mixing our excellent genetics in the future, and access to drugs are mainly what's holding this relationship together at the moment
But in defense of this shit summer we've had, I totally perfected my shotgunning skills. I have achieved my summer goal.
I fucked some frat guy. Then I found my brother after and made him take his shirt off and then I made him tell me he loves me
He said I could stop sending ass pics now and just say hello. I'm not sure if that means he's no longer interested, or that he's a gentleman??
He just said Bill Nye is just a dude. If I ever considered sleeping with him, I never will now.
so like
i may have gotten a little bit of blood in the charging port of my phone
How you run into a glAss door three times in a row I do not know
that blonde bartender and I racked up an impressive mini bar bill last night
Mini bar? Did you get a hotel room?
Yeah, the last thing I need right now is a chick with an insane clown posse tattoo knowing where I live
That’s legit
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