I woke up next to her this morning and couldn't remember her name. Luckily, she had written it on my hand so that I could add her on facebook.
He keeps asking where i got my clothes and accessories. i'm not sure if he wants to fuck me, or go shopping.
Maybe if i steal enough bar glasses i can justify all the money spent i've spent there
dont be like that, i wasnt picking him over you. I was picking multiple orgasms over zoolander.
Guy next to me is looking up how to press his own ecstasy pills. I'm going to befriend him and see where this goes
We made a trail of cheez balls so we knew how to get back to te apartment.
Note to self: the judgement that occurs when unrolling your last 5 which was used to snort drugs the night before, to pay for alcohol before noon on a Monday is worth just sucking it up and taking an overdraft fee.
Wait a min, you had drugs last night?!
Thanks to that wedding, I got to use the term "finger bang" more than I have since high school.
He was stoned laying on my bed singing I'm a little tea cup while I took a pregnancy test. Thank god it was negative.
No alcohol sales on Election Day. WTF? Today, of all days, I need to be splurged to to vote for any of these morons running for president.
Why exactly is there a butt plug on the counter?
Like I said, all hypothetical...unless, of course, you'd be into that. My heart may skip a beat.
We broke into a construction site had sex on a scissor lift and realized it was a church...tomorrow again??
Told a guy at the bar I was hurricane evacuees with no place to stay. Just woke up at his place. God bless Florence
My ultimate hope is that people will hug me, smell me, and therefore think I'm classy.
Randomize
