Still drunk and leading the team through the 9am sales meeting. I'm pretty sure this is why there aren't more 26year-olds in management.
he was screaming in a recently acquired accent that he paid for delivery and they could cancel the entire order if they didn't come upstairs
I thought you said it was going to get worse not hilarious.
the delivery boy turned out to be my students mother. now she knows that i have incredibly low standards AND thanks to the fact that he still has dialup the pizza tracker was way off and she rang the bell and he answered mid bong rip.
He fell and asked for a beer and a band-aid.
HE GOT FOURTEEN STICHES
It's not my fault. Someone keeps buying me tequila shots. Idk who. But every time I look down there's another. I think there's a conspiracy.
I can feel the judgmental stares of Christians from around the world right now.
Did you drink ALL that 151??
No. We drank all the jaeger... Then used the 151 to start the fire. We're also out of paper towels... And your hairspray is flammable.
I beer bonged before it even hit 4 o' clock. Please get on my level homecoming style.
Though I don't usually want to turn down ladies who want to liquify my clothing with their eyes, I made an exception.
YO I WASNT TRYING TO MAKE A PASS AT YOU.... Or Jesus
You sent me a naked picture of you as a child? How is that normal
He fucked me while wearing his night time breathing machine mask. Does this mean I joined the dark side and he is Darth Vader?
It was a simpler time. With fewer STDs.
ok but bondage is pretty much my easy mode
my birth father cheated on his wife with my birth mother. it's literally in my blood to be a home wrecker.
YOU CANT JUST BLOW GUYS BC THEY’RE NICE TO YOU LEXI
I CAN IF I WANT TO
Randomize
