Omg. If Ina Garten Makes roast chicken one more time im going to strangle her with her white button down
he was wearing 3D glasses the whole time.
just gave another girl i passed on the walk of shame a high five
Bath mats should not be used at mops. they don't work. consider this a drunk psa
I really need to stop drunk texting. My one night stand just agreed to go roller skating.
we were the definition of too high: argued for 10 minutes about who was gonna get the condom (it was 2 feet away on the night stand) and past out watching adventure time.
WHY IS HE GONE WHEN I ACTUALLY HAVE THE AMOUT OF ESTROGEN TO HUMP A SQUIRREL?!?!
I just traded ecstasy for trapeze lessons...you in?
I got slapped by a drag queen and bitten on the arm by either a random girl or a weird mouth shaped dog. Tough to tell without seeing the teeth
Actually let's just focus our energy on not getting committed to a psych ward.
I raged so hard that I was so hungover today I threw up out of a car window going 50mph cause my parents didn't pull over quick enough ...sorry to the people behind us
I can't remember if I puked before or after the shots of absinthe. Or why I thought shots of absinthe was a good idea.
I should not be this drunk in a place where a girl is wearing a princess dress
So I just saw someone get shoved into a car trunk by your car.
When he was leaving this morning he said I'll text you later on and I replied with if you don't that's cool too.
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