North Korea, Best Korea!
I think I just sold my virginity for plane tickets
get home. someone threw up in the fishtank last night.
i woke up on my kitchen floor, halfway through a text, and my mascara running... this is why i stopped drinking tequila
drunkie insisted on stuffing the rest of his scrambled eggs in his pockets before we left ihop. we really should have left a better tip
2 things. 1. I just gave her a 6 hour long marathon fucking for America. 2. Thought of a new invention halfway through, and it's flawless.
I'm using my breathalyzer result sheet as a coaster for my 40.
The fact that you think I have a life is so flattering to me.
Just got to her place. Her parents are here and are high as a kite.
Her father just game me a high 5 as they left the room. Her mom leaned in and said "this is a rebound thing"
And that is why we dont do tequila shooters at 1 in the afternoon. Because you go home with a beast like that
Someone put pennies in the toilet. This isn't a fucking wishing well
I don't know if dry shampoo will fix the decisions we made last night.
We fucked, she finished, high fived me, the pulled a celebratory pack of gushers out of her purse for each of us. I'm going to marry your sister dude.
You're a hot mess, you know that?
At least I'm a FUN hot mess. Like a train crash full of pizza, fireworks and glitter.
I brought an already opened bag of trail mix from home to snack on today. Some motherfucker ate all the m&ms out of it. I hate my roommates
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