Did u get laid? I went and bought lube and fleshlighted it while moaning ur name the whole time.
I swear to god Optimus Prime and Megatron are fighting in my head right now.
Just found out my drug dealer is also a porn star. It's a good day.
girl in the front row yawned. double jointed jaw. i know where i'll be sitting next class
I just got a facebook invite to join a group called "bring back the old franzia spout." i never want our generation to grow up.
My dad just told the waiter to keep the pitchers coming until someone passes out.
Next guy we share better have a little more dignity than that
you vomited through the snorkel and onto the back of your head. it was truly amazing
He and I are basically the same person, except he has a glorious penis and I have glorious breasts.
You drunkenly promised dick pics on your way out the door and then never delivered. I don't know how I'll ever be able to trust you again.
I got the job! The hiring manager is the sister of a guy I slept with so its like I'm a real adult now
May the power of my ass compel you!!
I had one beer! ONE BEER! They took shots in mourning of my tolerance last night. My ability to drink is a joke.
we're having rib night followed by a cultural enlightenment party
whats a cultural enlightenment party
we eat nachos and drink margaritas and tequila till we pass out
Like I said, all hypothetical...unless, of course, you'd be into that. My heart may skip a beat.
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