highlight of my day: just saw a crying girl get dropped off at home wearing only socks, booty shorts, and a dirty wifebeeter. I wonder what happened to the costume...
Just found out I slapped a vegan in the face with meat last night.
Definitely got drunk and sent her a literal picture of my asshole. I titled it " you"
I woke up naked this morning there was a baseball bat on the floor the bathroom door knob was removed and the floor was wet. This is why i don't do Tequila shots.
You tried to tell her that the salad was an afrodisiac then proceeded to stroke yourself with the feather duster
Yes, yes she is. This will teach her not to pull her vibrator out and harass people with it at parties.
The whiskey is fighting the tequila on who wants to be the one who end my night first.
Puked in the trees at home depot, I told everyone it was fertilizeerr
yeah we're mixing orange juice, vodka, and rum and calling it Oj Simpson On Trial
I ran into my boss at the liquor store on our lunch hour we both just stood there awkwardly until i was like your car bar or mine hahaha we both need a cab
I just walked past a guy banging a chick in the back of his car.
She broke up with me after I spent the whole day speaking in nothing but Marshawn Lynch quotes.
I mean, we were all drinking, but I'm pretty sure kidnapping came up.
She texted me this morning asking why all of her house pillows were inside her mini-van.
So thats where i built my buckingham palace
Is there a way to use porn to inspire him to have dirty thoughts? Like the movie Inception except with more lube and orgams?
Randomize
