very cute, but more "I wanna put you in my pocket and keep you as a pet" and less "please bang me" type of cute.
She is making me post-sex grilled cheese at 2 am wearing only shorts and cowboy boots. I am so in love
He did a double fist pump when he discovered the Magnums fit and skipped back towards the bed.
i checked my sent messages this morning and i had apparently tried to text the bar, saying "idk what i drank, do you?"
He lit his shirt on fire at the bar by putting a lit cigarette in the pocket to "save for later."
I found it funny that her boobs actually kinda felt like a bag of sand. the 40 year old virgin should feel better about himself.
I've never seen so many strippers at a funeral...
She swung at the pinata with crutches
Just please never masturbate in my bed again. I'm burning my sheets as I write this.
Its kind of weird knowing that im only seeing you that day to fuck in some woods
If I had 3 wishes one would for sure be a designated driver for life that gives hand jobs.
Best part of leaving the university? Interns are as hot as my former students, not legally off limits, and they will do anything for a full time job.
The ONLY place I sext is in my anatomy class. It's an amped up level of playing doctor.
There is a reason my most meaningful relationship since 2012 has been with Duracel...
went to class still drunk this morning and my professor made the class give me a round of applause and said, "see people, THIS is inspirational... if she can make it to class in this condition there is no excuse not to show up!"
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