She woke up 3 seperate times, each time she had a look of pure terror on her face, she had no clue where she was.
This is random, but did i give u a handjob in the middle of the night or was that a dream?
it's official, i know exactly what cross streets we're at by the bumps when i give him road head
I don't care how many kiddie pools are in our house. One is too many.
My mom is holding a picture of me, crying, and saying "where did I go wrong" over and over again.
It's like leaving me for his wife wasn't enough. He had to give me an STD too.
I have grass duct taped all over my body
I have fireworks and redbull; let's make heart attack inducing magic happen.
There was a slutty maid costume on the floor when I woke up, but the house was trashed. Either she's been fired or got promoted, I'm not sure which.
Mom and I shoplifted today. Her idea.
Retirement sounds fun.
So do I get to ride the beginning of the November stache or what?
You were supposed to catch herpes, not feelings!!!
I'm laying in my bed in the fetal position with a bag of frozen peas on my head and the bathroom trashcan next to me. Fucking tequila.
I'm noticing I drink less and do fewer lines when I do both together.
Now that's what I call smart money management.
Never again will I go to my mom's side of the family's parties. After the bride and groom cut the head off the roasted pig together they boarded their RV and rode off into the sunset.
Randomize
