well look at the bright side
maybe you can be on an episode of "I Didn't Know I Was Pregnant"
I'm drinking away my Christmas cash. People are going to get bar receipts as presents.
if you ever come into my room screaming for me to set up rockband at 4:45 am ever again i will kill you
Beware of calls from Dad. I just had a longer than I would care to admit convo about the ididarod. Apparently it starts tomorrow.
While you were in the ER we decided to tailgate in the parking lot until security told us that's not allowed.
His wife found out about our affair the same day he got fired for it.
Well the "Blackout with your sack out" party turned out predictably.
Its not college unless your study breaks were to go throw up from blacking out the night before
tonight were gonna drink champagne and watch girls put themselves in awkward position
I just need a text that says "put that food down bitch" and then maybe I'll lose water weight through tears
Goodbye spring break, hello depressing video on AIDS.
Hey are you going to the pride parade? If so get me a shit ton of condoms
Did you know they have a bouncer at Applebee's because I did not
The UTI came back with a vengeance.
WHO CARES HE GIVES YOU TOE CURLING ORGASMS AND SAYS YOU HAVE KISSABLE SKIN AND RUNWAY MODEL HAIR....WHILE INTOXICATED WITH HIS BEST FRIEND. AND THEN HE SENDS YOU CUTE SELFIES OF THEM!!!!!!! WTF MORE DO YOU WANT FROM LIFE!!! DIE HAPPY ALREADY LADY!!!
Randomize
