You stuck the head of a rubber chicken you found in her house up your ass and then started running around her living room. Naked.
You all can go fuck yourselves. As far as I'm concerned, don't come back to karaoke.
we just stared at taco bell's menu on the website for 2 hours
I can only be a whore so many days outta the week.
Samesies
Day two of vacation and my first drink of the day is a plan b colada
Just because it's been in my vagina doesn't mean it's important to me
If I started a story with "That three-year-old totally deserved it," would you listen?
My brother just asked if I would keep having one nighters with that guy because he really likes the organic cotton v-necks he leaves behind.
Lets go see if some hobos will give us a prostate massage for a 40 ounce.
Those titties aren't worth a lifetime of listening to her talk about gluten free yams and japanese manga.
Did you know that scruff feels epic on boobs especially when they are covered in whip cream?
MY WHOLE FAMLY IS TALKING ABOUT MY BUTT
WAIT I'M COMING I WANT TO TALK ABOUT IT TOO
I'm excited for him and his new girlfriend. I'm just going to miss his penis is what I'm saying.
You tried to chase every shot with a blueberry.
Love it. I wish you see me right now. I'm counting cash on my bed with no shirt on, beauty and the beast sound track on blast. Fucking creepin it up.
Randomize
