a guy named alex was hitting on my friend tonight. he doesnt work on wind turbines tho.
haha i took a picture of myself naked on her camera
She didnt have a camera...
OMFG I JUST SAW SOMEONE GIVING SOMEONE ELSE ROAD HEAD AND THEY HIT A POTHOLE. my day has been officially made.
his mom walked in while I was blowing him. he turned around in panic and accidentally punched me in the face. i have a black eye and only half the clothes i came here in. can you give me a ride?
And Anthony pissed on himself at the strip club
I never thought I'd hear the words "aww you pulled out" and "you're so sweet" in the same sentence.
I mean, we started to hook up but my asthma attack kind of killed the mood
nah i think i'm gonna take my landlord's kids trick-or-treating instead. apparently the houses around here hand out wine to the adults and candy to the kids.
I'm going to superglue stuart's hands into socker boppers
Do you think she will like "you don't have to swallow this time" gift certificates for Xmas?
All I remember is intermittent flashes of being passed out on the side of the road 3 or 4 different times. And telling him to just leave me there and I would walk home in the morning.
You did profess your love for cotton multiple times and your hatred for all other fabrics
You know its going to be a good day when you have to brush your teeth out of a cup in your room using the vodka and water mixture in your fridge because you're locked out of your restroom
Ive never seen a drunk man get suplexed before last week, now its the standard requirement every time we go out.
Nah I think he's a bit weirded out I worked out where he lives from a Facebook photo
Randomize
