I'm worried someone is gonna take a black light to my work computer. But the connection is faster here.
i wanted to sleep on a waterbed so i filled up my bathtub so i could fall asleep in it...
I woke up with my keys safelty pinned to my thong. It's gonna be a great day.
Breaking hearts and overdosing on semen. That's my life.
Should we pre-order food to the ER for cinco de mayo?
NO. NO LET HIS PENIS TOUCH YOU.
I just found my "random bang list for summer of 2012" that I wrote last night.. It's written on a Plan B receipt. If this isn't irony I don't know what is.
This vodka tastes like I'm not going to class tomorrow.
I feel like we should at least be hungover if we're gonna be this grown up.
You are the only person I have ever seen offer your other drink to the bouncer on two fors night
Bouncers are people too...giant angry people
So is there a reason your dad is passed out naked in my shower? P.S. Congrats on the family dong.
I didn't get it..
I'm sorry. But to the original question please.
Did u know it's unconstitutional to turn down a shot during 4th of July celebrations.. Rest now dear liver
Pedi-lyte stocked
I think you are severely overestimating being able to get your lingerie back by posting the lyrics of Irreplaceable
I have 3 vacation days left and I'm guarding them like a gay dragon on a pile of gold dildos molded after celebrities.
Smaug the FABULOUS
If you wanna do actual business call my office. If you’re just looking to get laid you need to up your game
Randomize
