I just gave my whole company pinkeye. How's that for a summer intern's lasting impression? BOOYAHH
I'm sorry, but you without makeup is like christmas without presents.
just upgraded from jello shots to jello bowls blacking out just got that much more delicious
i just got a clause named after me in the 'alcohol and drug use' section of the handbook. this is certainly a warning sign.
you took out flashcards at the bar and went around asking guys what totalitarianism meant.
I need some transition time from spring break.. can we day drink between classes this week?
i can't tell if you're serious or not, but 420 is gonna be pirate themed
I've decided I'm just gonna keep drinking til the baby bump shows...
I don't want to eat him, he probably tastes terrible.
Just pretend you're riding a unicorn through space. Thats how I deal with the stirrup situation at the gyno office.
I just dried my bra with your hair straightener because the drier is broken again.
Do u remember giving me permission to fuck ur dad and then getting super pissed at me when i said ew?
She slapped a big dramatic bandage on my arm and people started buying me drinks...I plan on wearing a full body cast tomorrow night.
Last night when we were having sex he put the condom on backwards the first time. While he was putting the second one on I blew up the first one, made it into a balloon and hit him in the head with it. I think we're over the honeymoon stage.
You have thirteen minutes to get here if you want to get back together. Otherwise I'm getting digits from the waitress.
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