remember when she hit me with her car by accident, well apparently it wasn't an accident.
I mean she's dancing like an epileptic patato and i'd like to slap her
I found your dream girl. She looked 11 but drove and on her key chain it said "if i am not wasted the day is"
sounds like you fell off the wagon.
fuck falling off. at this point, the wagon is a dot on the horizon.
she said they gang banged her to "who let the dogs out." the dude left of the middle barked along. sounds like a good time.
Pillow talk just revealed that he originally thought I was 16.
She's lying on the sidewalk wailing that she is gonna die alone, with hundreds of strangers watching us, and also we lost Kate, . Please help me
Pants-less sunday? Also I'm high and independence day is making me cry
im coming over
Finals week...the biggest cock block since your brother threatened me with a beer bottle at the bar.
Somehow those two combined like captain planet and shit went haywire
I was loaded. my pee still has a hint of lime
Whatever. I hate you. My vagina hates you. I hope a bird shits on your head today.
I'm finally in my bed, my pants are off, and there's no pee on my carpet this is the best life has been all day
Fine I'll cuddle you but only for the purpose of trying to survive
You're going to literally shit your fucking unholy pants when Jesus rides in with his dual light-sabers on his velociraptor and cleaves you in half.
Randomize
