Gte hit a new low, I took a poopnap, passed out mid poop on the toilet.
You know what, matt, a girl is not really that interested in a relationship if she goes down on you the first time she meets you
I hope you're ready because I look like an elf on crack had a baby in the medieval era and that baby grew up to be a whore
i wanted to go smoke pot, so i told my mom i was getting tutored. she asked what time i would be back, i told her learning doesn't have a curfew
i just got cockblocked by a guy drinking wine straight out of the bottle with a straw...
The bartender gave me the kids toys. Paddle ball & a gecko.
as of this morning I have officially vommed on the highways of 6 different countries. It's a proud moment.
we passed out in our seats at the game for about 3innings. I guess they showed it on the big screen. nap n rally!
dude i'm so hungover my hair hurts
Crying while listening to Miley Cyrus. BE GLAD YOU JUMPED THIS SINKING SHIP!
omg how embarrassing to not hear the delivery person knocking because you're singing "where are you Pizza" to the tune of "where are you christmas" too loudly
Weddings might be fun but they are not getting fucked in the wilderness fun.
Why the fuck was I face down on the floor with you mounting me like a horse anyway? I'm so confused
I woke up spooning with two strangers on Saturday morning... I felt like a sexual sandwich
Wtf did i hit my head on?
Tequila
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