I am now Facebook friends with Donkey Lips from Salute Your Shorts
I would blow Magic Johnson for a pack of lucky strikes right now. Post-hiv.
the truckdriver in the lane next to me just looked down and motorboated in my direction.
I denied three guys and puked everywhere because I love you.
I get way too drunk to be trusted with family heirlooms
Recording ancient aliens and the third Reich. Stoned you will thank me later.
I barely even remember him. He is just a distant beard in my past.
Just slept with a female bodybuilder. not cute. but it was like fucking hulk hogan with a twat. Beastly.
im so disgusted with myself. funny thing was i lasted 15 seconds. she benches 325
I just had my first boner in 64 days today....glad to find out my fluids are still pumpin
There is a hole in her door about 2 inch in diameter. You may see me on YouPorn
All I know is I was dancing to Shakira in his alley and I think rubbing my junk on his car door.
well after pounding on the ceiling for 5 mins i just went up there to tell them to shut up.. 2 hours later i'm naked, high, lying on their kitchen floor. it escalated so quickly
You know when your cat drags a dead bird into the the house as a present and drops it at your feet looking all pleased because it thinks you'll be pleased? That's what sex with him was like.
dude can you explain to me why i woke up on your sisters floor with moutain dew and chips everywhere
i dont know im at your house.
He may not be good for my soul but he’s great for my vagina!
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