My cousin just told me i smelled good. She must like the smell of cum.
whore
I woke up on a futon with 2 stolen budwiesers in my purse, 5 extra bucks, a sucker stuck to my shoe, one sock, and a stolen copy of the zombie survival guide
please tell me this is not legit
I did the seizure Bad Romance dance again last night, didn't I?
you were really good actually. your skill is increasing over time
you threatened to puke on the table cause they didnt serve eggs Benedict
Blood. All over. Pre coke adventure needs to slow down unless I'm involved
doing a walk of shame covered in blue food coloring is only embarrassing if you make it embarrassing...actually no its embarrassing on all accounts
I feel I should make it clear.....I'm not stalking you, I'm stalking ur dick. You don't even need to talk when you get here. At 4am I think we'd both prefer that anyway.
surprisingly organic peanut butter is not the best chaser
We should install the 'help i've fallen and can't get up' buttons on our bodies for this weekend. Birthday weekend calls for extra measures.
It's like god touched my soul and said 'you will be great in bed'
I can't believe I left out the part about him peeing on the side of Route 2 at 3 a.m. while wearing a dress.
The bartender had to walk me home last night. New high or new low?
This medicine is making me nuts. I just woke up and I thought I was in a glass case with Asians staring at me.
You know you're too drunk when you start calling people out for unfollowing you on social networks.
you know you're in deep when you watch fear and loathing in las vegas and every damn scene is relatable.
Randomize
