Why does every girl think its ok to cheat on their boyfriends with me?
So my boyfriend is on his way over and there is no time to wash the sheets from when I had his roommate over earlier. Put them in the dryer with a damp bounce sheet. Win?
This is a whole new level of slut for you....do they smell ok?
So my professor just changed my Final to 7:45am on May 6th. Shouldn't a Spanish professor understand the implications of Cinco de Mayo???
Wednesdays are like the thursdays of tuesdays... Drink time
Best part: she drunkenly told me I'm dangerous then slurred to my parents that I should watch out in case I fall in love with her. Then she mounted a pinata
it was like lady and the tramp only with a jello shot on the pool table
Next person that gets my dog drunk is paying to have my carpet cleaned. I am tired of getting up to pee and stepping in dog barf.
You can identity the picture as me the mistress his wife and him. It's that kinda awkard.
At what point did you realize I was getting blown under the table during our dominos game?
She kept calling herself DJ McDonalds and said she wanted to make some Egg McMusic.
I said he looked like a lumberjack and that's when he came. I guess he liked the beard compliment?
Got to use the phrase "sweet pukas dude." My day is made.
So stoned that I pressed the unlock button on my car keys to walk into my bedroom...
I had one beer! ONE BEER! They took shots in mourning of my tolerance last night. My ability to drink is a joke.
I have never been that aroused while laughing my ass off in my life
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