I have a hot bod, but my face sucks, what can i do?
i don't think my family understands the severity of a twenty first birthday.
she is using a fork to eat popcorn and refuses to drink gatorade out of anything but a margarita glass... did i mention the popcorn is on a plate?
Some asshole just brought BK into my summer class, im already high as hell, i did not need another way to not pay attention
My mom said "I don't want to fund your drug problem" so she gave me a gift card to the book store. I now have a 420 page book on growing weed.
I feel like somehow my uterus ended up in my ribcage from all the keg stands i did last night..
theres a turtle on the table. helping me eat my ramon noodles.
Uh, do you remember who's thong is in my tree?
she broke my one feeling. seriously I think she broke my dick.
Hi future me, I saved you a big mac under the bed.
We've only been here for 15 hours and our names are already on 2 separate police reports. We've also been given our "final warning" by the cops and hotel management.
My mother just made an innapropriate gesture with a cucumber while grocery shopping at whole foods... Then she said "bitches love cucumbers" and all this time i thought i was adopted
I'm so hungover I can't taste anything
It's not vacation until I get called "disgustinly sexy" by an fat woman whose older than my mother.
I don't wanna see it, I don't wanna touch it, I just want it in me.
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