Never write on a napkin "my face, your boobs" with your phone number and give it to a girl. Just a tip of the day from my nightly experiences lol.
We need to hang out more often
Is it a little weird that I have a ridiculous urge to have sex while the theme song to the Pirates of the Carrbibbean blares in the background?
biggest mistake ever: halloween 2009
i would rather give Shaq a handjob than take this accounting final
His sister just told me that she thinks i'm a stupid bitch and that by going thru with this I'm ruining his life.
sounds like a hell of a rehearsal dinner
is it consensual if they're cheered on by a room filled with 30 people?
Just threw up in nordstroms while shopping for moms bday with dad. He distracted workers for me. No more tequila
Note to self: Do not bring gift bag with cock ring inside to family Christmas. Leave to unwrap at home.
If shame burned calories, I'll be back to my birth weight by the end of this weekend.
Are you doing trivia tonite? Also sorry I peed on you.
Hey nothing wrong with those! I can't believe the guys who let me see where they live on first dates. Even more surprising, I don't stalk them after they've done me wrong.
So to add to headbutting the microwave while waiting for my hot pockets to cook. I apparently told both bartenders earlier in the night I was going to fuck them both. I hate black out drunk me..
So how'd the job interview go?
well turns out the guy interviewing me was a regular at the strip club where i used to work. Talk about awkward
It's a beautiful day to be high as fuck
She was topless, yelling this is Sparta, threatening to push her dad into the sewer. I am pretty sure she won't be at school.
Randomize
