just threw up in the bus full of other international students just outside of boulder, just keeping the aussie reputation alive
It probably isn't a good idea to go home with last night's hookup's brother. And sister.
Probably is probably an understatement.
And then you proceeded to sneak behind thee bar and hold up an empty bottle of vodka and scream LOOK WHO THE BARTENDER IS NOW BITCH!
She thinks I come over for the sex, but I really come for the snacks.
He went to WalMart with $30 and came back with a watch, a basketball and an engagement ring.
Even worse we were making a sex tape so our reaction to the condom breaking was recorded.
Don't judge them too harshly for getting kicked out of a strip club. Happens to the best of us.
You are the coolest girlfriend ever.
she doesn't even know what year it is. She just stumbles around life with a bottle of rum
Can I put tequila in the fish bowl? I think he wants to party too
I'm actually pinning crap for Friendsgiving like a boss right now. These bitches better show up.
You're going to replace me with a robot made of heating blankets and a vibrator?
Don't tell me I can do whatever makes me happy while also saying I have to put on pants.
Just let me pee on you and I'll leave you alone.
The amount of guys I've turned down for you is disgusting... You better love me.
The sex would be better if it wasn’t interrupted because his home detention ankle monitor needed charging. At least I know he’s not cheating on me
Do you even hear yourself?
Randomize
