you always know who the new freshman are on fb because theyre always wearing prom dresses
What's wrong?
Long week. Sore muscles. Bad back. Hangover. Mini-keg. Crazy ex-wife. Unavailable love-interest. Dead celebrity families. Republicans.
Pussy.
you know the rule: 3 consecutive asian hookups makes you an asian fetish guy, no exceptions
Just bought a handle of vodka with the excuse of "just in case we drink tonight"
I just couldn't load the family groceries on to the same seat where I had sex 12 hours ago.
why is my new profile picture on Facebook one of me with a bunch of strangers on an elevator?
Who is he, asking me if im dtf without a question mark
...
Dude I woke up in her bed wearing a top hat and bunny slippers and noticed one of us had pissed in bed. The last thing I wanted to ask for was a ride home
If for no other reason than to cuddle with that puppy, you have to hook up with him again.
We're going to catch a squirrel this summer
So the next three days will be henceforth known as the 'celebration of the end of the most irresponsible years of my life' be prepared to wake up naked in a ditch.
Why would I take you home? That would eliminate the chances of you making bad decisions I could ridicule you about later.
Holy shit last night was like the irresponsible Olympics for me
I just paid my school fees like a real adult who doesn't get accidentally drunk on a Tuesday night
my life is like one bad, slutty lifetime movie.
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