i bet even starving children in Africa take the crust off their poptarts
he breathalyzed me before we had sex.
you went around the entire night in your french maid costume dusting off the "cob webs" on everyone's crotch saying "you havent gotten any action in a while"
I was wondering why i got so many friend requests the next day...
Is it bad that I was more upset about not getting the perfume he told me he had bought for me then the actual breakup?
So does it count as really great road-head if he ran over 3 mailboxes before realizing he was off the road?
She said i kept moaning her moms name instead of hers
its the kind of pain that only someone with a fucking elephant on their head would understand. I'm never drinking again.
Like her Facebook page isn't even hers. It belongs to her tits. It's Titsbook
Old woman told me I looked like her son and then she started explaining to me how she wanted me to fuck her
A valentines day commercial would come on while I'm masturbating...
Please warn me if you ever end up in porn, cause I don't want to stumble across that on accident, okay?
If your gig isn't over in 30 minutes I am coming on that stage to come on your dick.
He was telling me how he was trying to grow up. And then 2 minutes later, he told me he was tripping on lsd for the first time.
It's not my fault I make her feel like a Taylor Swift album
You woke up at like 4 in the morning fell off your bunk bead, yelled at Nic for asking if you were ok, walked to the kitchen, pissed on the keg, and then looked at me and said "Still not worth it" then went back to bed.
Randomize
