where does the pee come out of this thing
So I'm pretty sure I fucked the dept of homeland security guy on my kitchen table. No recollection of it, but there are signs.
She's in the middle of blacking out but is singing Mariah carey songs. Hitting every note.
You're being dramatic. You can calm down, or you can piss off. Either way, I ate your burrito.
Okay Im going to go have some sex apparently. I hope this chick is prepared the zero effort Im going to put into it.
Dude he was freaking out because he thought he was walking on crates, and he just kept saying help me
Apparently i asked the cab driver how much the ride was going to cost, (he said about $25) then i offered him 50 to let me drive the cab...
Maybe we should invest in one and when one of us wishes to be a hot mess in a wheel chair the other one will push the mess around to wherever it wants to go.
Of course I have to cross through a walk for hunger
He didn't even realize I was drunk. He probably just thought I loved Torchwood so much that I no longer knew how to use my thumbs
Reasons why I'm always right: I am older, I am wiser, I have a larger penis
but if we have a President Trump come Tuesday, I might throw myself off the Walt Whitman Bridge so Thursday might not work for me after all.
things i am: 1) still drunk 2) still wearing my leopard onesie 3) still gonna make my 9am lecture despite the odds CAN I GET A HIGH FIVE
shit i just threw up on a freshman
i don't know if i should laugh or feel bad..
nevermind it was a sophmore, laugh.
Would you still love me if I got a Whatever Forever tattoo? It's like the Emo kids' Live Laugh Love
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