you asked the guy at 7-11 if he remembered when you came in and threw news paper every where... then you did it again
I have a drunk 6th sense to lyrics of songs i dont know. It only works when i dance..
You broke her grandpas urn and ran your hand through his ashes claiming it was pixie dust. I think thats why shes mad at you..
This got awkward about two "Oh yeah"s ago.
People were autographing me. I'm like the spring break yearbook
I am trying to think of a way to make alcohol cupcakes
Let me begin my 3 part apology by saying that you are a wonderful human being...
All I did was present the dick. You did the work. That's like thanking the pencil for a test you got an A on.
I hope I bought a crossbow. Also I need to not drink that much
Someday. I cant very well invite myself to his dorm room. And I'm 28. The excuses to be drunk and running into him at uconn are rather slim. Although I'm working on it.
Also I legit had a girl at my bar crying tonight saying to her friend "why did he have to take his top off ?"
I came back from England with a face tattoo and the only thing anyone can talk about is my beard.
I have 35 pounds of pennies. Need any?
THERE IS A MAN IN THE BATHROOM IN COLONIAL GARB GET HERE
It's Friday you fucking nerd of course I'm drunk.
Randomize
