Can one do a walk of shame from one's own hotel? Considering I just barfed in a planter down town in from of a bunch of business men in suits on my way to a work breakfast on a Wednesday morning, I am gonna just go with yes.
How am I supposed to spread my seed with you "modern women" and your birth control?
you kept searching pizza on facebook and becoming a fan of each page dedicated to it
well now i know if i ever need to drive puke and talk on the phone at the same time i can
He added me on Facebook. I'm pretty sure he got my name from the inside of the bra I had lost in the frat house.
My ex came to my place while I was gone. Random things he took: snow shoes, my laundry quarters, a decorative picture, all my condiments, the container that held my rice and a sticker off my wallet. Then left a note saying he watered my plants and fed my cats. What. The. Fuck.
she shotgunned a can of v8, threw the can on the ground and said, "fuck bitches get money" then passed out on the spot
My office already closed tomorrow. I'm bout to get drunk and build a muh fuckin fort. I shall call it "Fort Fuck You, Sandy, You Fuckin Bitch"
Wrapped in a blanket, just ate a whole party pizza. All my dreams are coming true and you don't even care.
how do you ask an olympian for your underwear back?
I think I might get 604 tattooed on my ass tonight...
I just projectile vomited into my kitchen sink. Today need to be over already.
Hey the moment you step into my house, find me IMMEDIATELY so we can pinky promise on not roping anyone at the party into yet another threesome
he offered to let me fuck his brother , of course im marrying him
4 of us. Guys and girls. Were sitting there discussing the passed out half naked Brit girl on the floor. She is no longer the international woman of mystery.
Randomize