I just walked into a tree. I think it's time to go home.
What's the politest way to tell someone that you're only interested in them when they're naked, and even then it's just like a passing "meh?"
My doctor just informed me that my food allergies qualify me for a medical marijuana license. I get it on Tuesday. It won't help at all, but my life is awesome!
Well It's time to grow up anyways, right? Now that you're graduated and have a job you can't drink uncontrollably
No. Now that I'm graduated I can drink uncontrollably at nicer bars
I'm glad you trust me to be your sex stat keeper.
I say we get drunk before the exam tomorrow. At least then we have a valid excuse for failing.
It feels like I've shaved away my winter coat and my vagina is going to freeze if I go outside.
having someone tell me to "prepare my vagina" is not really something I want to hear..
You kept showing everyone at the bar your bra to prove it matched your shoes.
You know it's been a rough year when your therapist mouth is just wide open. And I didn't even get to the real issue!
New reason to drink: alcohol makes soda taste like goddamn gold.
I'm pretty sure I just need an IV drip of Plan B at this point...
I think I used my NERF gun during sexual roleplay. Need to re-evaluate my life choices.
That seems dangerous to buy acid from a stranger on craigslist
It's just really funny to hear them talk about March for Life when literally every single one of those girls has had an abortion
Randomize