You saying I have a drinkingg problem is like saying Superman has a flying problem.
no you cant smoke seaweed
We invented "Diesel Bombs." They're supposed to be a bomb, but they come in a 20+ oz. glass and have a blackout record of 6 wins and 0 losses. Undoubtedly going to be the next Muhammed Ali of the drinking world.
Ya, because touching his brother's face for 20 minutes in front of him wasn't bad enough, I also threw up in his garden and stole like 10 of his shirts before I left. But I fed his dog, so it's okay.
My horoscope told me I'm getting laid tonight. Please don't make the stars be liars
The sorority chicks were the Persian army, and we were their 300 Spartans. Can barely stand up now...such a good ratio
Lesson of the night: never take shots out of a bottle you found under a couch in a frat house. I have no idea where I am
I want to preface this by saying nothing happened, nothing is on fire. It is mere speculation. Do we have a fire extinguisher?
Tequila is gods way of telling you don't fuck with tequila
I just busted my piggy bank to afford McDonald's. This is my personal cry for help.
I was just hotboxing under my sheets and I got lost on the way out.
It was so scary.
I just remember banging him and then at some point I went and took a shower and went and laid in the closet
Pretty sure keeping my vibrator in the same drawer with the weed makes it work better. I fall asleep almost immedi
easy for you to say. you're not the one who has to explain why you woke up with a pineapple and a used condom.
If i'm not ready, make sure i'm alive. Not passed out dead in the shower.
I'll still do breakfast to celebrate the life you've had.
Randomize
