Have you ever noticed that nowhere is the same thing as now here, i get my best ideas when i smoke
You weren't a difficult drunk to take care of. I just had to stop you from plunging the toilet once or twice.
He ran headfirst into the atm. Thenasmed us what our spirit animals were...he said his was either a dolphin or a cabbage
You actually went to class. Im eating dry cereal naked and watching bring it on.
Idk tell her to wear something sluttty. I have that one skirt I got arrested in if she wants to borrow?
When he pulls out of you and farts and says ahh I wanted to do that for the past 30 mins ....you rethink the next drunken hook up
He just told me what he wants for his birthday. "a noise complaint" he also said he wants to be the cause of all the noise but he won't be the one making the noise.
My attorney has my name in her roldex as need to hit that. Im gonna win my case
Body shots with my MILFs MILF!!
All I did was send my mom an ecard
reason #326 why I'm still single.... my date just told me there's a little boy ghost that lives in his closet because he likes his music.
I still don't know his name but his ass is spectacular. Like he should never wear pants.
They kept freaking out that you were missing and potentially having sex.. like it was a bad thing. Got fed up with hearing it so i just yelled "ITS HER BIRTHDAY AND SHE CAN FUCK IF SHE WANTS TO!" They gave me unnecessary looks. I thought it was acceptable.
dude kate found out i cheated and busted in while i was taking a shit. I was cornered, nothing i could do
so drinking tonight?
Be there in 15
Rationing the toilet paper. Only one wipe allowed. I'm scared to move too much.
Why are there naked heterosexuals in my apartment?
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