oh my god I didn't know your sister was this good at french kissing
just upgraded from jello shots to jello bowls blacking out just got that much more delicious
It's not mothers day until you're vomitting syrup into grandma's toilet. Cherish the holidays
so,apparently a side effect from having sex on the beach is now i have a tanline shaped like your sister
i hate you
i'm not the one sitting naked in my room playing with my boobs and a cat.
btw he is cheating on one twin with the other. the main woman in his life has a mullet. I defiantly have either the coolest or weirdest uncle ever
I just helped a group of highschool stoners find a safe place to smoke I feel like a responsible rolemodel
Im drunk on a hayride surrounded by toddlers. they are judging me.
You're a disgrace to the female race and the love triangle and halloween.
The police report said that there were 25 cases of bud light, two hookers fighting in the street, 13 cop cars, and two road blocks, a kid got tazered, another got maced, and over a hundred people in the house
So that means its a bad thing that your dad found it huh?
He called it restless penis syndrome. I call it cheating.
There is a glee sing along. It's on random and they know them all. Like, the specific glee timings and pauses. I need to leave. I need to escape
My booty call fought through ice and a foot of snow to get here. He brought booze, food, and cigarettes for three days. My vagina is the greatest motivator of all time.
I have like three friends I don't have sex with, what did you expect
90% sure I just sold adderall to my professor
100% proud
Randomize
